The end, and a new start

Finally my thesis is accepted this morning. Now I am officially a Ph.D, which is useless to every part of my current life.

So ironic, and pathetic.  

The same time last year, the weather is similar, but much colder. I probably was on campus, just headed back from Mashall st. to get another cup of coffee, and started practicing Leetcode. I was struggling and scared at that time, and not knowing what would happen the next year. But I refused to give up.

Now I am sitting in my apartment in CA, enjoying my first day of the two-week vacation, and writing this blog. I am happy.

Half a year after I moved to Bay Area, the words I said most to people is "This is the best decision I have ever made in my life". I am glad to have the life I am having now, and I am grateful.

My job searching was not that smooth. I only got two onsite interviews. On the day I got rejected by the first company, I was devastated. I texted my friend: "this was a huge humiliation in my life and I will never let it happen again." He texted back:"This is just part of your life journey, and soon you will realize it's nothing".

He was right. Two days later I got an offer from my current company. The next couple months became the best time in my life after my high school. My colleagues are friendly, the projects are fun, I have met lots of new friends and, life is awesome.

The first month in my new company, all I was thinking was quitting it and finding a new job in a "better" company. My company is not one of those famous big companies in Silicon Valley. It is a game company and I don't even play games every often. It's a startup which only provides options but no actual stock (earning big once it goes IPO is another story). Those are the reasons I wanted to leave. But three months later, I started to think again. Except the above reasons, I have everything I want for a job: a reasonable boss, a great mentor, friendly colleagues, fun projects, lots of things I can learn, decent salary and good benefits. I ask myself, is it that important to get to one of those "famous" companies? I may not have so much fun in my job and the people around may not be as nice as I have now. I am not sure what decision I will make next year, but I can always have a try.

I always thought I can only get the second best thing, it's my destiny. Now I think nothing is in fact perfect. If I got into the first company, which was my dream company, I probably end up in a boring job. Everything is "not perfect, but good enough". All I have to do is to be grateful about what I have and try my best to get what I want.


I always tried to gasp whatever I want. I thought if I try harder, use another way, it may work. Now I think it might not be the case. Everything is about the "right" thing at the "right" moment. I was too stubborn. Now I always ask myself, how can I be so sure that it is the "right" thing? And if I cannot convince myself, it probably also is not the right time to pursue it.

Yet there is no time the perfect timing. And at some time I have to make decisions. It probably is true that I should always wait until I gather enough information. But when? My friend said, if you cannot make a decision, then wait until the last moment, and follow your heart, because that would always be what you want. I can't disagree, but I don't agree. Betting my life on randomness is definitely not who I am. I prefer doing more analysis and make rational decisions. However, life is indeed balanced. I choose something, and I always lose another. So if I make up my mind, then don't regret it.

2015 is a year of life transition. I experienced and learned too many things. It's the end of the pathetic-graduate-student era, but the start as a self-independent Shirley. 2016 would be another exciting year. I am not sure if I will successfully be granted the visa and stay in the States. I may be deprived I have right now. It's scary, but if that happens, I will (have to) figure out a way.

Merry Christmas and Happy holidays, to everyone.