I finished things earlier, or not, I just need to find something to do before I finish my wine. My life is a mess, research, paper, jobs, interviews, smiles, tears, everything can happen in one single day. I feel sorry to those who care about me, who ask if I am ok, and, parents. Right, I haven't called them for a while, and I let them figure out visa and everything by themselves.
Somehow I am just looking for peace, being with someone I really like, do something I really like (write some code, debug, solve some hard but interesting problems, whatever), but I don't know, I have hope in one day, but feel desperation in the other, like a roller coaster, so much fun. Matt said, you will get a good job, you just want that particular one. Probably true, I waste five years doing something I don't care, only because I wasn't mature enough to figure out what I want, now I am paying the price. I don't want to, and can't afford to waste another couple years, life is short.
I am thinking of some one, or ones, they like me, they don't like me, or whatever. It is hard to overcome those guilty feelings, or put your dignity aside (yeah, why do I need that now? ), but everything is about "doing the right thing". Or maybe I am just making the excuse, I am selfish.
People say what they want to say, and assume the counterpart doesn't know, that makes them feel smart, probably it's better not to say anything, and let the counterpart assume what he or she assumes.
Words are wind, you need it, and you don't need it.
Good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment